oh no
by clockwork marionette
Summary: I give you a parody. *Used to be a story, now a one-shot* Rated T for character death.


**Edit: Fixed some mistakes and rewrote part of #1 and #15.**

 **Since TV Tropes is temporarily controlling my life, I will now post a bunch of stuff from stuff I see on there. This is something I found about bombs. X3 ALL CREDIT GOES TO TVTROPES. Though, I did rewrite the list so I wasn't plagiarizing…**

 _1_ _. "What!? Where's the red wire?!"_

Len crouched down, staring at the mass of tangled wires connecting to the bomb, the wire cutter clutched in his hands.

"Cut the red one first, " Rin instructed, the convenient manual stating how to deactivate the bomb in her hands.

Len stared at the wires, the bomb slowly ticking away. He read the time on the neon red timer attached to the bomb.

 _1:36_

"Rin?"

"Yeah?"

"There's no red wire." Rin crouched down with wide eyes.

"But the manual said that to cut the red wire first!" she said, panicking as she double-checked the manual. "Pink is the best choice, then."

Len took the pink wire in the jaws of the wire cutter, and snipped it.

BOOM.

Turns out, V-flower had supplied them with the wrong manual.

 _2\. "WHICH ONE AM I SUPPOSED TO CUT FIRST IF THEY'RE ALL THE SAME COLOR!?"_

"You can do it, Meiko," SeeU said encouragingly. 'You can deactivate this bomb." Meiko grunted.

"Whoch one do I cut first?" she asked. SeeU checked the manual.

"The blue one," SeeU confirmed, tugging her cat ears nervously. Meiko dropped the wire cutter and threw her hands in the air.

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?" she roared, stomping her foot. "THEYRE ALL BLUE!" The manual fluttered to the ground as SeeU backed away nervously.

"I-I don't know," she squeaked. _Please don't kill me…_

Meiko sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated."

"Why don't you just cut a random one? There's a one out of ten chance that it might be the right one." SeeU suggested. Meiko picked the wire cutters back up, took a random one, and snipped it.

The bomb exploded.

 _3\. "Is there some kind of off switch to this bomb? I honestly don't know how to deactivate this bomb if cutting a wire will cause it to explode."_

"Uh…Merli?"

"Yeah?"

"Didn't Oliver tell us that the bomb would explode if we messed with it?"

"Yeah...what are you getting at, Gakupo?"

"Doesn't that mean we shouldn't cut the wires?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…Dammit. Where's the 'off' switch when you need it?"

 _4\. "You've been colorblind the whole journey, yet, when it's time to cut the color-coded wires, NOW YOU TELL ME!?"_

"Uh…Bruno, which wire is red?" Piko said awkwardly, scratching his head.

"How am I supposed to know that? I'm BLIND, in case you haven't noticed." Bruno said grumpily, staring off in some direction.

"Uhm, well, I have something to tell you…" Piko began, staring at the ticking bomb. "I'm…um…colorblind."

"….."

"….."

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU TELL ME NOW?" Bruno screeched. Piko cowered under his furious partner's death glare. (Although Bruno wasn't exactly looking at him, it was still terrifying.)

"I…I don't know…" Piko whimpered. He suddenly took off, leaving Bruno behind with the bomb.

"PIKO, YOU TRAITOR!" Bruno screamed, hearing Piko's footsteps receding.

He turned back to the bomb.

"How the HELL am I supposed to do this if I can't even see what I'm doing?" he muttered.

 _5\. "Snip the green one…No, the red one! No, the purple one!"_

"Okay," Ring breathed in deeply. "I can do this. Lui, read off the order." Lui scanned the list.

"Snip the blue one," Lui said. "No, wait, the green one." Ring moved the wire cutter to the green wire. "No, wait! The yellow one!"

"Just make up your mind!" Ring yelled, frustrated. The wire cutter swerved around, unsure which one to cut.

"Cut the purple one. No, the red one! Sorry, the pink one! Hey, is there an orange one?" Lui said.

"GOD DAMMIT LUI, JUST PICK THE FIRST COLOR ON THE LIST!" The timer was ticking.

 _00:29._

"Uh…the blue one! No, green!"

Ring screeched in frustration and snipped the first one she saw.

 _6\. "PULLING OUT ALL THE WIRES ALWAYS WORKS!"_

"Okay, so cut the green one," Oliver said. Yohioloid's hands were trembling, and he couldn't keep them still to cut the wires.

"FUCK IT ALL!" he yelled. Oliver jumped, not expecting the sudden outburst. Yohioloid yanked all the wires out of the bomb. It exploded.

Only James survived.

 _7\. "Wait! I was wrong! That's not the one you're supposed to cut!"_

"So, it goes, green, blue, red, pink, yellow." Big Al concluded, looking at the manual they stole from the evil Gakupo.

Miriam was * **this** * close to cutting the green wire, when:

"No! Wait! I meant blue, green, red, pink, yellow!" Big Al said. Startled, Miriam's hand jerked.

 **Snip.**

 _8\. "What's freaking AZURE supposed to mean?"_

"The manual says to cut the azure* wire." Miku said.

"…WHAT THE FUCK IS AZURE?" Luka said. Miku shrugged.

"Beats me," she said.

"…"

"…"

"…We're screwed."

"Agreed."

 _9\. "Cut the green wire…" **snip** "After you cut the red one…"_

Mayu cut the green wire, and THEN Lapis finished her sentence.

Nevertheless, the result was disastrous.

 _10\. "If we throw the bomb out the window, we'll be safe, right?"_

 _"I don't think it works that way."_

 _"Who cares?"_

"This place is made of metal, right?" Kaito said. Leon gave him a strange look.

"Yeah, why?" he said.

"That means it's bomb-resistant, right?" Kaito continued.

"…No."

"I'm pretty sure it is." With that, he threw the bomb he had been trying to deactivate out the window.

He was wrong.

 _11\. "You mean to tell me that there was an 'OFF' switch on this stupid thing the entire TIME?"_

After five minutes of struggling to deactivate the bomb, Lola came in.

She flipped the bomb over, and flicked a switch.

The neon timer turned off.

Anon and Kanon stared, dumbfounded, at Lola.

"There was an 'OFF' switch on it?" the twins said, dumbfounded. Lola nodded once, then left.

Anon and Kanon looked at each other, and face-palmed.

 _12\. "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE NOW, GUMI!"_

"It's not working…" Kokone said, struggling to defuse the bomb. The bright red neon timer read, '1:15'.

"Oh, fuck it." Gumi said, irritated. She shoved Kokone out of the way and punched the control panel for the computer that contolled the bomb.

The timer skipped to '0:03.'

"GUMI!" Kokone screeched.

 _3…_

 _2…_

 _1…_

Needless to say, they both didn't survive.

 _13\. "You mean to say…it wasn't harmful after all?"_

"HURRY! HURRY!" Lily panicked, running all over the place. IA freaked out and started to pull the wires faster.

 _5…_

 _4…_

 _3…_

 _2…_

 _1…_

Lily squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for the searing heat, the burning flesh.

Nothing happened.

IA removed her hands from her ears and stared at the bomb in wonder. Confetti had erupted from it.

Iroha ran in.

"You guys didn't defuse it in time!" she said cheerfully. "You failed the test!"

Lily and IA looked at each other.

"It was a test?"

 _14\. "Note To Self: Don't cut the blue one."_

After Yuki had cut the blue wire and exploded, Kiyoteru knew to cut anything but the blue wire.

He cut the yellow one.

After that, Miki knew to cut anything other than blue or yellow.

 _15\. "But...but Sonika said that we need to cut the wires to defuse it!"_

Prima and Tonio stared at the innocent looking box that was about to detonate in two minutes.

"There isn't any wires." Tonio said.

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Prima grumbled. "Now what are we supposed to do?"

"I don't know, wait?"

So they sat there, watching the timer tick down, until the bomb exploded.

 ***A shade of blue.**

 **Haha, that was really fun. XD Next chapter spoiler:**

 **The Vocaloids I missed this chapter will be featured in the next one.**

 **See you all later!**

 **~Dreams**

 _ **This chapter was last edited May 4, 2015.**_


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